through the grey of the clouds this morning, im am feeling a smidgen of inspiration. as one door in my life is closing another is opening. isn't this picture absolutely beautiful? i am in love with anything that has a hint of vintage film grain to it. and while doing some research on 40s-50s Dior for a hat that i'm designing for a project in Advanced Costume Tech, i stumbled upon this picture. i thought the colors, contrasts, outfits, really everything about it were somewhat breathtaking.we opened The Cherry Orchard last night, and it felt so good to finally reveal something that the whole cast is so proud of. i feel a force bursting from me, that i have never felt before. i think that can only come from having the opportunity to be involved in something that was emotional and life changing for everyone who had the privilege to work on it. to know that we made his last Drake show something memorable and to be proud of, is all that i can ask for as an actor. and even into performance weekend, i remained humbled by the opportunity to work with him and the entire cast.
classwork as of late is either really revolutionary (PLEASE forgive the brazen use of this word, i don't know whats come over me) or ultimately stressful and more than i can currently handle. i realize that i'm in the overload right now. but this is the only way to learn and, really, the fog is beginning to clear. i'm feeling as though i will really be able to grasp everything again. and one of the best things...im starting to think that i can do this. and believe it (oh my god)
as this will be an emotional end to a fun chapter of freshman year, i have more exciting things to look forward to. really immersing myself into Into The Woods, taking more initiative in my classes and having more time to fully access my assignments and scene work (something that can really only come from having more hours in the day available, looking for work, waiting for word back on summer employment (trying to not keep the hopes to high, mind you). i finally caved into myself and have admitted to the fact that there is a noticable shift in my behavior from last semester to this semester. while i believe a good chunk of it is normal, i question some of it and notice similarities in it to a more imbalanced place in my life (years ago). long story short, i decided to go to counseling. i had my first meeting the other day, and it felt good to hash it out and 'humanize' this deeply hidden (or attempted to be) characteristic of myself. i hope we get down to the bottom of it. i miss feeling a bit more normal and ultimately happy.
although this semester is so different, in so many facets (both extremely positive and negative, in both extremes) i don't regret a second of anything. and won't look back. its time to live. embrace mistakes, take everything in and push harder than i ever have before.
because as the cliche statement goes, 'we only do this once.'
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