some early morning [post-depressive] thoughts.

[an addictive personality in full force. who does that sound like?]

while early morning classes may leave me tired from my days that seem to go in a cycle of never ending motion, they never cease to somehow inspire me. this morning we were listening to a required piece of music for one of my courses and i just sat to think about how much that i need to show gratitude for. i have spent so much of my life recently, wallowing in the "mean reds" and "black and white" moods that are so easy to allow myself to sink into. with the sun out, the snow melting...my coffee and music soaked days help me to reground myself in this life that seems to want to throw me to the wayside. i find it extremely interesting that only when you come to terms with yourself (which is no easy task as well) can you really and truly connect with and understand other people. it took me a long time to figure this out. meaning it was a "this year"/"once i got to college" sort of revelation. no one person has the most problems. and i spent the better part of my life separating myself from people because i thought that they could never understand. it is actually the exact opposite, and its so black and white once you come to that point. problems are what tie us all together. otherwise, what [REALLY] would we have to talk about? i have also pondered lately how curious it is that we, and we being the youth of America, spend the greater part of our childhood challenging what our parents present to us...only to eventually come to terms with it ourselves. i realize that this is human nature, but it does make me feel guilty for the countless arguments, i had with my mother only to suffice my need for pity and unattractive teenage angst. she ultimately was just looking out for me.

parents try there best to make their children everything they couldn't be. they also stand helpless, watching their children go down paths that they've gone down themselves, helpless to stop them..because children won't listen. think about it. we don't. we're resentful and ultimately wonder why we didn't listen while we could have.

"children will only grow, from something you love...to something you lose."

- Stephen Sondheim