i feel a blog coming on...

before you read. i apologize in advance for the bi-polar nature of this post. i got really excited and it went in uncontrollable directions...

when i was young, i walked into an antique store and had one of those moments in life, where something you desire or that would call out to you as a person, "walks" into your life. i was staying in Walker, MN with my aunt (one of my favorite childhood, and even to this day, vacation spots) and we would always go into town for a day, while staying up there, to look for a souvenir to commemorate that trip. i had a love for records as a child, seeing as i grew up prancing around the living room to the music of record players, so naturally after perusing the store...i walked to the record bin. the Judy Garland record 'Alone' (a very rare, and beautifully honest record of hers) fell into my hands and i suddenly felt it hard to breathe. my 'young self' paid $10 for this rare record, and left disbelieving as well as unbelievably excited. since discovering theater, she has been a 'guardian angel' of sorts to me. i connected to her from such a young age (seriously, a 10-12 year old boy shouldn't be able to comprehend, much less PURCHASE, her biography) and whenever i find myself beginning to falter or lose inspiration, from whatever it may be...i turn to her. today i watched her American Masters documentary and suddenly found the energy, excitement and inspiration needed in every facet of my career at the moment (ie. the two shows i'm rehearsing for, my first mass audition this weekend). i will walk into MidWest this weekend feeling fierce and fabulous, wearing my mothers 'borrowed' Tiffany ring for good luck and hoping that my 'guardian angel' will be guiding me along.

any judy garland fan, excuse my annoying pun of a title i used...but i feel the unbelievable desire to share my surging emotions at this moment and time. as i sit here at mars, sipping my coffee i look back on my weeks and months since arriving and wonder, "where the hell have you been, kyle?" since i was young, i have had an unprecedented desire to please, make good and ultimately do what makes me happy, which is being onstage. i feel that though my growth is noticeable to me, i have not been pushing and desiring in the way that i know i am capable of. the only way that will let me achieve what i want in my life. i have little surges of seeing what i could be if i work very hard, every once in a while. i had one of those days and i feel as though i can't stop smiling. its inspiring. it makes me want to work. it makes me want to impress. but mainly, it makes me want to be happy. i haven't been happy for a long time. and the only person responsible for that is me. its something we performers need to remind ourselves from time to time. we are in control of what we can do and what we are capable of doing. its our job to show and sell that.

have you ever had one of those days when karma seems to be working in your favor?

-yoga tonight

-$15 worth of Valentines money and cards from your grandma's (hence a Mars treat)

-inspiration

-green lights all the way to mars cafe

-dressed in black...feeling slender like Audrey

-excitement to show your capabilities to a multitude of companies at an audition you were lucky to get

wonderful wednesday. OH! and there was a chocolate croissant at mars :] that hardly ever happens any more.

my inspirational and talented friend Maura Gillespie says that in a book about finding your way to happiness, it says to treat yourself (a little) everyday. i try to remind myself of that. thanks for the coffee, grandmas.

so happy i'm back :]