i've found some strange enjoyment lately in piecing new outfits together from my vast closet. i'm in the midst of altering my style a bit and have been finding that simple is really fun right now. i'm done trying really hard, hahah.
story of my life. hahah in the literal and subtext of this statement.
well hey there kids. i can't guarantee that this will be as long as i've been promising, but my tired person will purge out as much as possible from these very busy and tiring past couple of weeks.
well, school ended well. i survived my freshman year and though the ending was emotional in about every sense of the word, i was ready to go home and process all the things that i had taken away from this year. i have big plans for the summer and will enter next year rejuvenated, prepared and ready for a new myriad of experiences. i am back to working at the grocery store and am happy to say that i have found a strange peace and solitude in a job that i used to take much less seriously. i attach that statement also to my living in montgomery. for a boy who was prepared to be on his own, live away in a busier place and just completely break free, i have found some joy in looking up and seeing stars, walking on the paths behind my house and sleeping in my own bed. montgomery isn't looking so bad right now. i think its me making some sort of peace with my past, as well as making my real last summer at home, a memorable one and one with no resentments.
i will also be taking this summer to try to figure myself out a little bit. i discovered at school this year, that for a person who thought they knew so much about themselves, i didn't know jack shit. i didn't know much about a lot of things. and while im proud of the growth thus far into my existence, i have a lot to learn and process. the skeletons that have been sitting in my closet and the vast amount of personal baggage i keep attached to myself is really ready to be released. its affecting my relationships, my work, and ultimately, my life as a whole. i know that this is something that won't happen over night, and will take a long time to completely disapate, if it ever will, but i'm ready to open that door.
i've felt so inspired lately, with the time to be home and do things: read, work, drive, listen, talk, live
and once the looming exhaustion goes away, i think i'll be ready to take on the world again. home is its own therapy and i think will help me to regain touch with pieces of myself that feel lost right now.
the one thing i feel is resonating more than anything in this moment, is a new motto that i have acquired into my day to day existence:
jamais se compromettre
it means 'never compromise yourself' in french, my favorite language. i lately find immense idolization and respect for individuals who live their life being completely themselves and nothing less. in a world where its the fad to follow and emmulate, i would love to become one who never compromises, always making choices and living life on my own terms. what more could you want.
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