revelations.
they are the center of my life at the moment. i find myself making small breakthroughs each day which is so extraordinary. to finally see some glimmer of all of the things i admire in others, in myself is so unknown and new to me. this all started last week in the beginnings of our laban work in movement class. to clarify, i went into the class feeling like i already knew how to do this (somewhat), after working on it with Karla last semester in Movement I. to see how wrong i was, and the new discoveries that i'm making while rediscovering these energies is fantastic. the two most profound discoveries that i'm choosing to share are from the heavy energies. these come easiest to me, because in life i tend to be a heavier person. we did the slash energy, and my body immersed itself into complete physical involvement. i wrote down on my notebook afterwards, 'HOLY SHIT', because it almost felt as if i had dreamt it. i was in a sweat, my heart was pounding and it was absolutely wonderful. while in it, i remember seeing a variety of colors and feeling like i was trapped inside of my own body. completely removing myself from the emotions of others, i felt very afraid and removed and as if there was no escape from what i was feeling. today felt much less emotionally involved but had some of the same similarities, those feelings of intense emotions, sighting of colors, etc.
as i discussed in an earlier post, i left first semester ultimately disappointed by the work ethic i put forward. i feel like with my new found revelations, in addition to the ground breaking work i find my classmates and myself doing with our new professors, i will be a completely different performer. i continue to believe that any new work and growth will be for me and no one else. anyone noticing it will just be coincidental. but regardless, i'm so thrilled to find myself making steps forward. hopefully i'll reach that point where i stop psychoanalyzing things to the n-th degree soon, but lets not get ahead of ourselves...
i told my friend emily draffen at coffee tonight that her song in 'bare' is the only one i can stomach to listen to anymore. i feel myself really identifying with nadia these days...except on the opposite end of the spectrum, longing for time alone with my thoughts and personal reflection. crowds are becoming to much for me to handle at times...but on the note of emily, we had some fabulous conversations, per usual, and i just know that she is going to continue to be such a mentor to me, as she is now. i see such wonderful things for her...and know one day we will be sipping tea in our lofts or a cute little obscure coffee shop.
what a lovely thought...
